I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
