god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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