Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
