What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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