You're so nebulous sometimes
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
