just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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