shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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