Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
