i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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