My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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