Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
