Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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