so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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