oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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