He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
