Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
