do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
