My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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