Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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