I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
