Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
