How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
