I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
