well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
