Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
