May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
