so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
