bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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