and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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