Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's shark week go big or go home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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