Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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