I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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