There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
