Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
