FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize