At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
