Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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