I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
