the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just pee around me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
