I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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