If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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