so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize