this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
