Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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