another moral hangover. fuck.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
