And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
