she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
