You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
