Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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