im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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