thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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