I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
