it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
