I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
