I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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