Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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