Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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