Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
